Tuesday 16 October 2018

Post Tor Des Geants Update

I’ve left social media for a couple of months to focus on tangible things and be more productive. I have been feeling a little superficial lately, not really living in the moment and whilst I love that SM keeps me connected, I do feel as though I waste a lot of time on it and don’t get enough time to focus on the people I’m connected to in “real life” – after all they’re the ones who make the effort to see me physically, give me hugs when they’re happy to see me or I’m feeling blue or call me for a chat or text to make sure I’m alive. So I don’t really expect anyone to read these posts if I’m not sharing them anywhere.
So anyway, following the TDG, I had this annoying feeling of imposter syndrome and somehow felt guilty that the race didn’t mean as much to me as it did to other friends and that I somehow did it a bit of an injustice. I now feel like I should have tried harder – but really I know that in the moment, I felt like I was giving it all I had under some difficult emotional stress.

I surprised myself by the speed in which I bounced back physically. I was able to run later that week without any real issues, did some pace work, I even did a park run. I was hyperaware of not overdoing it as previously I’ve done this and suffered from it longer term.
Mentally, I’d prepared myself, in the only way I know how - by having a jam packed diary for the next few weeks.

Doug and I spent a few days in Italy to unwind after the race, which I’m so glad of. Monday I pretty much didn’t leave bed all day, Doug fetched baguette and butter and basically I just dipped bread into butter and tried to put on the 6kg I’d lost during the week. I’d taken a picture and I looked vile – like an anorexic boy so didn’t care what calories I put in me (it’s all gone back on and some more – fat bitch). Tuesday we went to an incredible spa just outside Courmayeur. I have a terrible habit of trying to fit in too much into a small space of time. I’d originally suggested we drive to the beach for a few days – he talked me out of this thankfully!


We got back on the Wednesday night, delayed and I did a little work on Thursday from home whilst I washed piles of stink kit. It was a few days before year end for me, so I knew I had a horror story for work coming up. I was supposed to be heading to Germany for a couple of days the following week but I received a call from my friend Kris Duffy asking if I fancied a free two day trip to Italy on Wednesday for some running promotional photo shoot thing with Alberto Tombo (of the Skiing fame in the 80s and 90s) – of course I did! On Friday, we drove down to Croyde for our annual trip with our friends to a gorgeous rented cottage where we ate and drank and surfed and ran and generally had a wonderful time. I can’t get enough of this group of people, most of whom I’ve been friends with for over 20 years, the others are acquired boyfriends and husbands that we’ve accepted into the group.
I returned to work on Tuesday for a day rearranged my meetings in Germany and headed off to the Emlia Romagna region of Italy with a group of total strangers. I was met at the airport by the lovely Francesco and Sona, from the Czech Republic and driven to a lovely quiet hotel in what felt like a remote part of the hills.
It was quite different to the previous week in terms of terrain and vista – still hilly but much flatter and panoramic. The weather was gorgeous, the hotel was great and the company brilliant. The crew were all super lovely and we had a great time, eating and drinking, I felt like I’d been sucked into someone’s family as we sat around chatting. My understanding of Italian proving far better than my speaking of it, I was able to laugh along to some of the chatter. Over dinner I chatted to Alberto, trying to learn more about his career. He’s quite a celebrity in Italy, so I felt a bit rude that I didn’t know who he was aside from some googling whilst I was on the train to Gatwick, so was probably confused why I wasn’t swooning over him.

We were all a bit pissed when I arranged a run at 7am the next morning – I’d like to say that everyone made it but I’d be lying. Still it was a lush morning and I got to see an amazing sunrise.

 I ate the most incredible food I think I’ve ever eaten whilst there – and waaaay too much of it. I think the hotel staff were trying to showcase it, and that they did!  

Returning from Italy was followed with year-end which went fairly smoothly, my analyst is off sick so I had several very late night/early morning finishes in the office but nothing I’ve not been used to over the last couple of years, and frankly I felt a bit bad that I’d not been in the office much lately. Over year end I had a bit of a post-race low that I knew would come at some point. So I allowed myself a couple of days of moping, where I let the self-destruct button compress a little. I spent a night alone, enjoying my sorry state, listening to Jonny Cash, drinking a few Gin & Tonics and chain smoking. Reflecting on the previous months, pondering the future, assessing my current frame of mind, how to maintain the healthy mental state I so often struggle with, generally spending a bit of time on myself - evaluating my worth which I don’t get time to do.

Year-end broadly done and there was another trip planned; a work trip to Croatia from Tuesday to Friday.
It was for the Group Purchasing business unit, which I’m not directly employed by but I’m Financial Controller for a really high profile project that is being delivered for them so I was invited along. The agenda was full. Tuesday involved 2 hours sleep, a 1am drive to Luton, bus to Gatwick, Flight to Pula, bus to Rabac where we checked in to the TUI Family life hotel – which was bloody amazing!

 It was the end of the season but it was kept open for us for the conference – I wouldn’t fancy it during the season when there are kids there but if you have kids, you should definitely have a look and Croatia is beautiful. It’s definitely one I intend to go back to.

We had welcome drinks on the terrace, and me and Brett went for a run. It was a super sunny day and I was so happy with the trails, I could have run them all day. Surprised that they were so rugged, pretty technical but not super steep – though getting 300m vert over 8k wasn’t to be sniffed at.

Back at the hotel it was lunch time so I joined some friends. They were planning to go mountain biking next so I said I’d join them. Some of you will know I used to compete at XC and Enduro so once upon a time was quite skilled so felt confident I could show the boys up on the jump park. Could I bollocks. I underestimated the terrain. It was bloody rocky. You just couldn’t get momentum and I kept grinding to a halt on the ascent. Which finally ended up in my getting stuck, falling sideways and really hurting my ass, arm and knee. I walked it off for a bit  but I’ve still got a huge bruise nearly a week later.

We had such a laugh and I really felt like I was living my life a bit more in the moment and making friends. We were all hopeless but it was really good to get to know each other better. We found a gorgeous little cove so dumped our bikes and went down for a swim. It was bracing and the pebbles really hurt my feet but once out on the shore the sun was warm and I found I’d cut the bottom of my heel  on something. It wasn’t big but it was deep and really hurt. I was convinced there was something in there but even now haven’t got round to checking – and it still hurts. I did some work where I could fit it in – which was usually in the middle of the night or at lunch time as I felt guilty that I was having a nice time networking whilst the rest of my team were finishing year end reporting.
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The rest of the conference was brilliant; lots of really interesting speakers, lots of networking, amazing food, fun evenings of drinking and laughter and really getting to know everyone better. The final night there was a big gala dinner planned, with a white theme so I finally got to wear a white dress I’d bought earlier in the year - everyone looked gorgeous and we had loads of fun.  
We danced to the Abba tribute band then until the DJ wouldn’t play any-more, I got to bed about 3.30 and did an hour’s work whilst it seemed some of the others were still up drinking at 5am. I wasn’t able to run the rest of the week because of hangovers and my sore heel but I was surviving on so little sleep lately I didn’t think it was a great idea anyway.
Sensibly, I’d only had one or two glasses of wine with dinner as I knew there was a 4 hour bus drive to Venice next morning and a race for me on Saturday. I worked solidly on the bus before my laptop died. I picked up a hire car and drove down to Lake Garda – it was such a beautiful drive. Not as nice as the Amalfi Coast drive me and Doug did a few years ago but it comes close. The temperature sitting around 26 degrees even at 5pm turning my non air-conditioned fiat panda into a greenhouse I sweated into the seats and enjoyed the route through tunnels  around Lake Garda that were carved out of the rocks - missed having Doug next to me nagging me to get off the car in fronts ass.

Which brings us up to date and to Limone Sul Garda, which I’ll get to in a bit.

Monday 24 September 2018

Tor Des Geants

I wasn't sure whether to write a blog about this for a few reasons but I'm not going to give you a blow by blow account as lots of it is a blur and lots of it I spent deep in thought.

I hadn't really expected to get into this event. I felt that I was a few years away from being ready for it. I'd put my hat in the ring expecting not to get through the ballot first time but to get a few extra tickets for the next couple of years. So imagine my surprise when I got in first time.

After London marathon the plan was to hit the hills hard, a trip to Chamonix for 10 days should have laid some good ground work.

However, you'll know from my previous blog that I've been pretty poorly for several months now. After being diagnosed with Whooping Cough, I accepted that what I had wasn't going to kill me. However, it certainly wasn't making me feel great. For months, waking up in the night unable to breath and choking has been pretty tedious. Training wasn't going to plan. Basically just getting easy runs in when I felt ok - nothing long featured.

I had a 24 hour relay race with some friends from work to get through the week after Lakeland, on the way there nearly vomiting I was coughing so hard, Lyndon one of my team mates had given me an inhaler to try out. Which to my surprise really helped alleviate the attacks when they were in full swing. I went into the race not knowing how many laps I could do, I said I'd see how the first one went and go from there. I'd had a couple of runs that week which had been 3 mins run, 1 min cough. Pretty miserable.

As it happened, running itself seemed to open up my airways enough to get through a 9k tempo effort. I was still reserved in my pace so I didn't over do it. As soon as I stopped however, I'd have impressive choking fits for 10 mins or so. The team did great. We won with a course record and 7 laps each all really consistent, no one dropping off the pace. My laps were all between 41 and 44 mins and despite getting literally no sleep (the cough is much worse laying down) I felt strong in my legs.

Anyway, we managed to fit in a trip to Brecon in the final weeks of training where we did 4 reps up the 450m climb. I felt great. I didn't quite understand how. But I was going to go with it.

The final week was spent, sorting kit, buying new kit, sorting nutrition. The race on paper is 330km, 24,000m ascent (it was actually 340k and 30,000m ascent!) a lot of which is at altitude, I wasn't sure how my cough would behave. It had seen some improvement in the last few weeks. Still running seemed to favour it slightly. The fits weren't so persistent. More like a fake attention seeking cough now.

My friends Jenn and Gary were doing the TDG too - it was return visits for them having completed or attempted it in previous years, we met some other return offenders who had lots of advice and spoilers of things to come. Which was a bit irritating at times. I don't recce routes because I like to be surprised by the route, so I didn't want to know too much. It's useful however to know which are the more technical or slow sections so you can be prepared for this mentally. The days before the race were spent hanging out with friends, eating pizza and ice cream - when in Italy! I was keen to get going now though.

Tor Des Geants - A la Trip Advisor:

Accommodation on the Tor is a mixture. You can find human alarm clocks, spa's, shower facilities and delightful eating establishments. A lot like Club Tropicana - the drinks are free.

Life Base 1 can be found in Valgrisenche - approx. 50k into the adventure. Having covered around 4000m ascent, over 3 major cols reaching altitudes of 2800m twice, you'll be ready for a break and refuel. One of the busier bases due to the volume of guests passing through at this early stage, finding a bed was not as challenging as expected - one room had a blast heater which for some would be unpleasant to sleep in. Recommendation would be to take a meal in the dining room before retiring for a short nap (I tried to take 90 mins here but only slept for 30 mins due to excitement). Food choice is wide. Hot and cold drinks, even local lager. Hot pasta and potatoes, with a choice of slop. Biscuits, cakes, and of course, as you're in Italy - CHEESE! More cheese than you can shake a stick at.

Life Base 2 may be found in Cogne. After a particularly challenging section over several thousand meters of climbing, technical descents, topping out at 3000m then a breathless 3300m. If you time your trek well you can be treated by an incredible sunrise over one of the high cols you will encounter. Once more, the facilities are well equipped. You will find hot showers and comfy beds, a similar abundance of food. By this point, you will have been up and down many mountain passes and spent little time below 1800m altitude. Your appetite may be reduced but the cheese is there to be eaten! I had taken a short nap at a previous CP of 45 mins so there was no here  (also there was a queue to use a bed) but I took advantage of a shower and some fresh knickers.

Life Base 3 is located in Donnas - at a mere 300m above sea level and very hot! Of course before you reach Donnas you have a long high climb to 2800m before a 30km descent - it sounds like it would be easy. It's not what your quads want after a few days trekking. However it did make this section go a little quicker and get some faster kilometres under your belt. There is a particularly challenging final 7 or 8 km into the life base that can take the wind out of ones sails if allowed, the route profile isn't very detailed  here. On the way in, we stopped at a gelataria for an ice cream and took an enforced 10 minute sit down on the scorching tarmac while waiting for a train to go past and the rail crossing to re-open. At the CP, i dined on Pasta slop, then laid on the floor while Doug visited the medics to have his feet taped and closed my eyes for 10 mins

Life Base 4 can be found in Gressonney. The section from Donnas is a tough one. After literally bounding out of here full of oxygen feeling incredible, forgetting to eat at the CP 1000m higher up the mountains. The next let's say 24 hours passed by very slowly and painfully, only during this time did i think that i may not finish the race due to timing cut offs. I assume someone dropped a tab of acid in my drink at the aid station as I spent several hours high in the hills, in the dark seeing things, having strong sense of De Ja Vu. I was convinced I'd been here before. I knew what was coming. There's a hill here. There's a drop here. I know this corner. But when was I here. The only time I'd run near here was UTMR in daylight.... (of course it was just my exhaustion, my brain not working fast enough to know that I hadn't been here before).
I sat on a rock for 10 mins trying to eat a gel. Put on some extra layers. Reaching the top i found Doug who had had a similar experience and seeing Gary later on also had a challenging section.  I recall descending a particularly technical hill. It took over an hour to cover 1.5km, thinking the whole way, I should slow down or I'm going to fall on my teeth. Reaching Gressonney was a relief. Though not without a long hike through town to get there.
I took a shower here and slept on some sports hall bleachers for 30 mins. I recall the food being excellent here, the check point was well managed and staff were very friendly and you can see many of the other guests coming and going.

Life Base 5 is located at Valtournenche. Here I took advantage of the spa facilities and indulged in a massage. The previous section had seen my quads throw me to the ground in disgust so I thought they would appreciate a rub. I was expecting only a 15 minute leg rub. What I got was actually a full body massage for 45 minutes, I can't be sure but my masseuse may have made some inappropriate touching. I wasn't in the right frame of mind for a happy ending but it's always good to know that this is an option at some establishments. After my massage I took an hour snooze before having a hot meal, filling up on biscuits and heading out into an impressive rain and lightening storm.

Life Base 6 is the final accommodation on the Tor located in Ollomont. It was surprisingly busy! There had been a long painful fireroad descent in and the night before I'd been particularly grumpy.  I was expecting it to be very quiet but it seemed like half the field and their enthusiastic supporters were here. Here I received table service, and a great selection of food and sustenance.  Sleeping wasn't an option here. It was daylight and heading into the final section I was full of energy. I wanted to get up over the next summit and down the other side before I lost daylight. I left this final checkpoint full of it. I went out with the intention of making up as many places as i could before darkness fell for the final time. Up and over i went to 2700m, running back down the other side. As soon as darkness fell, i was sleepy. So i took refuge in a check point for 23 mins. I woke up freezing, layered up. Ate some hot soup and went back out into the darkness. I was almost immediately too hot so de-layered and pushed on through to Bosses where there was an option for a decent sleep. I was very tired but this section was fast so i ran as much as I could. Feeling great I checked in, saw Gary asleep face down on a table, I'd received a text from Conrad not long before that he wasn't far ahead and to overtake him. Tempted to sneak on past him i decided on a whopping 2 hour sleep in an amazing castle type thing. (I think anyway). I woke up very confused being shaken awake by a human alarm clock.
We pushed on to the last refugio. I was really sleepy again. I needed to nap. Doug didn't. He pushed on while I took a 30 min nap face down on a table. There was only 15k to go from here. Only 2 more climbs. I wanted to reach the next major climb with the sunrise so I headed out into the emerging dawn.
As I hiked slowly up the last big climb, I looked back at the view of the sun started to rise and started to cry. I was so full of emotion. The week had been immense. The end was in sight. But I wasn't ready for it to end. I sat down for a few minutes watching the sky change colour, sobbing. I walked slowly up towards the col. I took a photograph and sent it to Robbie saying "I don't want to come down!"
I didn't want to be with anyone now, I needed this time for myself, I wasn't in a hurry now to finish. So let people slowly pass. Reaching the col, was a group of people taking photos, watching the sun breach the mountains in the distance. I stopped and sat with them and let out a big whoop of joy.
After the sun had risen i carried on. One long descent until a final 300m climb. It passed by too quickly. Coming through the valley with Mt Blanc ahead of me, i felt so small.

Crying again. Not with sadness, just overwhelming emotion that I've never felt before. I got changed from my warm clothes into skort and vest for the final 10k.
The next 10k was so much fun. The trail was lovely rolling single track, I was running properly. able to run the uphills feeling incredible. So full of energy. There were walkers out on the trails now as I started the final descent.
Shouting "Allez allez", "Bravissimo"
Their shouts making my laugh and cry all at once.
Running hard down the final few km i felt so full of life, Running through town, up the final straight and crossing the line I felt massive pride.
Some people I'd met on the trail were at the finish having just finished, hugs and massive smiles, their supporters brought me a beer and sat down.

Doug had been shipped to the bag drop, my phone was dead so after a while headed down to find him. Visit the spa for a massage, have a nap. He went off to eat ice cream with some others whilst i had a beer with a French guy (neither of us had a clue what the other was on about)

Entertainment and Activities:
Main activities on the Tor are hiking, running, trekking. It's best to commence these with enthusiasm and positivity. Leave your baggage at the start - physical and emotional and really get your head into the event.
The after party is unique. You will receive your finishers jacket the sunday after the race with everyone. No skulking off as soon as you finish. 3 hours of music, and announcements, a cat walk parade and a group photo. It's very special.

Things to look out for:
It's not abnormal to see other guests, laid out on the trail enjoying a few rays of sun. Or dozing quietly on a rock in the night.
I spent several minutes in the pitch dark just staring at the stars feeling very very small, watching the odd shooting star burn up through the sky. These are the moments that you will cherish.
You may be lucky enough to see an Ibex. Look on with envy at how the climb.
Enjoy the sun sets and sunrises. The sunrise can bring with it the most euphoric state. After the night trekking through the stars, the new sun brings with it such energy.

5* recommendation

I had a massive feeling of imposter syndrome all week. I got the impression people didn't expect me to finish, a few comments making me feel a bit small. Surprise that I got that jacket on my first attempt - I may have been imagining it. I hadn't gone into it thinking that I would fail, not through arrogance, just a confidence in my body and mental state to get it done -  I still had the utmost respect for the challenge. I knew there was nowhere to hide. Doug and I barely spoke all week, which sounds strange. Which was down to me. I had my head 100% in the race. I selfishly didn't want to share it. It was a strange week on many levels - personal, emotional, physical; the whole experience has given me a lot to think about. At some point it will sink in. But for now, I have a busy few weeks at work and a couple of trips in Europe whilst my body and mind recover and I decide what to do next.

Monday 30 July 2018

Lakeland weekend

So you're up to speed now on my woes and Lakeland weekend was upon us.

I love this event. Most people who have done it, love it. It's more than a race. It's a proper festival of running. Whether you are taking part, supporting, marshalling it's just bloody amazing. It's my 3rd year running the 50 and I've been up a couple of times to support.

Doug and I had entered as a pair again, wwen we entered, it was the A race of the year, but since being lucky enough to get spots in TDG, it has been demoted to a B race - I feel a bit of a dick saying that as so many people would give their child in order to do this event. That isn't to say we weren't going to put in a good effort, more that we needed to keep in mind there is more training to do out of this race.

Hoping the arguments from last year didn't repeat we were both setting realistic expectations of finish times (me as ever over zealous with my targets) but agreed we'd run to comfort, take it steady, focus on eating, drinking and enjoyment and above all not smash our legs up for the next block of training.

I'd had a chat with Robbie before I saw the Dr to discuss what I would do. It was still unclear whether I'd race or not. He wasn't that up for me starting. He suggested that FOMO wasn't the right reason to start, particularly not knowing what damage we might do by running through an illness.
But we agreed to chat again once I'd seen the Dr. After I told him the diagnosis he said we should give the race a miss :(

So I spent the next couple of days in a state of indecision. Not really thinking about preparing. I went out for dinner with some friends on Thursday evening and spent most of it coughing which was nice for them. Friday I was planned to go in for my xray and blood test so we dropped in on the way and got that done - VERY efficiently I might add. Good work St Albans hospital.

The weekend always starts (and ends) with a bloody awful long drive up/down the M1 and M6. always takes long than expected and always eats up an entire day. Still Doug got to enjoy my singing and with the weather topping at 30 degrees and the Air Con on the car broken it was a bit unpleasant.

Anyway, we arrived at the Red Lion in Lowick where we were staying, Doug had a pint and I had a nap as I had a crap night's sleep, well every day this week.

We then headed up to registration, just missing the 100 start by 3 minutes. That's skilful. Bumped in to a few of the usual faces, Stuart one of my fave adventurers, always seen at the OMM events, always a big beardy hug and Claire who was there marshalling and supporting Dan.

We queued up with a beer (Lakeland Legend no less). Still undecided whether I was going to run. I got to the front of the queue and asked what the situation was if I didn't start in the morning. Could Doug still complete but as a solo. All fine. Equally if I stopped he wouldn't be disqualified.

Kit check done, Dan C was there so had a quick hug - he was marshalling later at Kentmere so hopefully I'd see him, weigh in "one at a time please", a trip to the garage to get food and head back to the pub for dinner and a pint. I text Robbie during dinner and told him my plan.

I feel well enough, but i'll see how I feel over the first 5 - 10 miles, if I cough at all, I promise i'll stop.

We had a short phone chat after, and I could tell it wasn't his preferred choice, he reminded me it's not our goal race, not to smash myself round if it meant I wasn't able to run this week. He wanted to see me doing some easy running this week.

We packed our kit bags, prepared snacks and an early night (woke up choking a couple of times)

Up and fed and on our way to Coniston. Quick turn back because I'd forgotten to take my antibiotics. Back to start. Missed the briefing and straight on to a bus.

The weather had changed from 30 degrees and sunny to 15 degrees and rainy. I was dressed in a skimpy pair of shorts and a vest. I'd been wearing nothing but sports bras for the last 6 weeks or so, so I still felt overdressed.... but also quite cold if I admit it.

We waited at the start in Dalemain, I was pretty cold so I had my jacket on. The wind was whipping up but the rain had stopped. We herded into the starting pen and waited to be set off. I'd packed my jacket away by now.

3...2...1... off!

We set off, nice and steady. Not wanting to upset my airways. I tripped over in the firs half mile (just grass. no ouchies. but in front of 50 people and their I-phones)

We didn't run the hills. Trying to keep the effort low but we were still in a good front quarter of the pack. Playing "Marco. Polo" to make sure we're not getting separated we continued on. I was focussing on my running technique - I'm trying to become more efficient at long distances. Not lift my knees so high, use less energy etc. This helped me not get carried away with trying to "race"

I felt pretty good for the first 10 miles. We walked the hills still, and before long were on one of my favourite sections just after Pooley Bridge trotting up and over some ace single track towards the first check point. Here it started to rain quite heavily but my jacket still hadn't made it out of my pack.

Rolling in, in not a bad time - a little slower than last year, a lot slower than the previous year. I went for a slash in a cow pen while doug got drinks.

Leaving the CP we put on our jackets. Here is the first substantial climb up Fusedale. It's the hill that keeps on giving. Although this year it didn't seem as awful.

However, as soon as we started off, I had a bit of a coughing fit followed by a small choking one. I contemplated stopping and going back. But stubbornly carried on. We had gone a mile or so already. The wind really started whipping up. Hoods pulled on tightly, my hands getting cold (I have bad circulation in them anyway so it's not a new thing).

After the wind and rain we received the addition of a bastard hailstorm. It was like being sand blasted with pea shooters. My bare legs were stinging! I could barely stand at times, other times getting blown across the trail.

My airways really didn't appreciate this hill. I think it was the combination of the incline, the cold, and the wind ripping down my throat. When I turned from the wind to choke it seemed to help relieve it.

I coughed my way to the top, mentally planning my stop at CP2 which was still a good 21 mile into the race. I was going to ask there what the repatriation plan was and call it a day. Go back for a shower, nap and wait at the finish.

Reaching the top, sooner than I expected the wind was crazy. But it was behind us. So we got pushed quickly but forcefully across the plateau, intermittent rain showers splashing on us, and stinging our legs.

Coming to the start of the descent we spotted Jenn, I'd seen her at the start and had a quick chat there too. She was in great spirits as we ran on past.

Where the weather has been so dry for so long, this sudden downpour created a slick of icy mud on top of the rock hard surface making the descent quite sketchy. Taking care not to fall on my teeth we reached the bottom. The Lake had seriously receded following the dry spell. I'd never seen it so small.

This part of the route, on paper always seems like it should be easy. But it's not. It's rocky, slippy not totally flat but again today it was rolling my quite effortlessly. The sun had reappeared, so jackets were off and drying, the steady pace was meaning we weren't over doing it. I wasn't needing much in the way of fuel or water and so far, no arguments!

By the time we got to the CP, in a not bad time of about 4 hours. I was feeling pretty good again. So much so, I didn't really think about asking the repatriation situation and thought I would carry on.

We had a short stop to get some coke and a cheese sandwich before heading up the next hill. It's a bit of a monster, not technical but long and high. We climbed 100 meters or so and could see the clouds rolling in again so stopped for few minutes to put on our jackets (and my gloves)

I was beginning to think, I'm cold, I have no spare clothes, it's only 4pm.... I had an extra light weight wind layer (supposedly waterproof but it was soaked through just being in my bag). My only spare layer was my emergency base layer, only to be used if you weren't planning to finish (i.e. in an emergency)

We continued up the hill, I was coughing again. The wind was really aggravating my airways and it was beginning to really feel laboured on my chest.

We stopped and considered things for a few minutes.

I'd been reading the CP evacuation notes last night and been laughing at them, but only got as far as CP3 of the 100 so I had no idea what the times were to get taken off. Doug said he knew there was a note in one of them to say if you were in X and were thinking of stopping, don't go to the next place.... but we couldn't figure it out. We had no signal to check.

We acknowledged I shouldn't carry on. It wouldn't benefit me to smash myself round and I'd promised Robbie if I was coughing, I'd stop. So I gave Doug my emergency layer so he could upgrade his to his "spare layer" - we had both underestimated the weather. I gave him our spare batteries and we said our farewells. He offered to come back down the hill - "don't be silly, it took us half an hour to get up here"

So I turned back, Doug pushed on forwards, and almost immediately the biggest crack of thunder rumbled overhead. Followed at once by an insane hailstorm. Fortunately for me it was at my back but poor Doug had gone face first into it :(

Doing the walk of shame back down the hill I bumped in to Jenn, we had a hug, I gave her my skittles and I carried on to get myself back.

I reached the CP and explained I was stopping. Only to be told the waggon had just left, and the next one wasn't until 11pm (it was 5pm now)


The medic said I'm best to walk to the next CP where it's a building and get a lift from there. She recommended breathing through my buff - why the hell hadn't I thought of that!?? (It helped)

I could have cried. If only I'd known. If only I'd stopped before I'd be on the bus. If only I'd carried on with Doug (I'd be coughing my way into a storm) I stomped slowly back up the hill I'd just come back down and resigned myself to a steady walk for 6.5 miles. I wasn't in a hurry anymore. My "race" was over but my adventure was not.....

I reached the top of the hill and started the long descent back down the other side, jogging steadily, the wind still throwing me about a little but effort levels were low, legs felt really fresh and aside from some moderate lower back ache (I need to do more core) I was feeling in great shape (except when I intermittently had a spasmic coughing fit)

People walking past "are you OK" whilst I'm doubled over wheezing.

On the descent I came across a couple of guys, one was helping the other. I looked an could see A LOT of blood.

The guy being helped had fashioned a bandage over his nose and his beard was full of blood. I stopped to see what help was needed and said I'd stay with him until the next CP. The other guy continued and I stayed with the guy (Kenneth). I don't really know if he wanted me to, it wasn't a chatty walk, unsurprisingly. He said he had no head pains and could see fine. mostly he was just numb and bleeding a lot from his nose. We discussed that it was probably broken.

I didn't have much in the way of help to offer, he just seemed to want to carry on. So we continued mostly in silence, me checking now and then "are you OK?", "no head pains?"

Reaching the bottom of the hill we came across some camper vans, out of one jumper 3 folk supporting some of their friends. Fortune had it they were actually mountain rescue volunteers and had a lot of medical kit in the van, so Kenneth got in the van and they started cleaning him up. I was getting cold so they threw me in to the van too.

I waited while they patched him up. It was a right mess. His lip was split, his teeth had visibly moved in his mouth and his nose, probably broken and not wanted to stop bleeding. After about half an hour they'd steri stripped his nose, cleaned the blood up as much as possible and he was itching to leave.

So we went out into the pissing rain. I frequently checked on him. Blood dripping consistently from his nose. He wasn't really able to eat or drink because now the pain was starting to appear. I was worried how he'd cope. Suggested not having a hot drink at Kentmere.

It wasn't clear if he'd stop at the CP, he said he'd see how he felt. Coming into the CP we were greeted by a Marshal who had been sent out to check on him.

Still in good spirits, despite his mangled face he trotted down the hill into the CP.

We went in, I said, "I'm stopping here"

"no. Go and sit down, get some hot food. take 5 then come and see me"

I knew what she meant, but I didn't want to carry on. I'd made my decision. I knew it was the right one. I knew I could finish if I wanted to but I didn't want to jeopardise the Tor and I also didn't think I had enough kit to get me through til 1am!

I found Jenn and Richard and had a sit down. I wasn't hungry but had a couple of biscuits. I went back to the lady to find out the situation for getting home. "6 hour wait"


"You're better off getting to Ambleside

(8 miles away)

Kenneth came and found me, thanked me and said he was carrying on. What a tough guy.

While I was sat down, a guy Adam who was a friend of Jenn's said he was going to walk to the next one too. He'd just had his knee strapped up by the paramedic as he couldn't do any more than a straight legged limp. So I said, I'll walk with you. Again. I could have run. But I didn't really see the point. A nice easy walk isn't going to damage me, a run may do.

We left together and started the slow journey to Ambleside. Downhill was the hardest for him so it took us a long time to get anywhere. Fortunately he was a chatter box so the time passed quickly. The weather was lovely now too. Clear-ish skies and great views. He also offered me a lift back to Conniston from Ambleside from his parents who were waiting for him which was super kind.

A few miles from Ambleside we came across Simon, who was doing the 100 but was suffering similar pains to Adam. Knee pain caused by tight ITB. (also probably exacerbated by the cold). After a while of seeing him wincing along in pain I offered to tape up his knee to take some of the strain away. So we stopped on the side and I did what I could to strap him up with the strips of tape I'd packed for emergencies. His legs were pretty hairy so it made keep the  tension and stickiness difficult but we had a bash.

We continued the final 3 miles slow together to Ambleside, chatting as we went about naked German pools and the like - one thing I love about ultra running is that there seem to immediately be no boundaries to what you talk about. You think nothing of saying "I'll catch you up, just going for a slash behind this wall"

We reached Ambleside and Adam's parents were there. We got our dibbers cut off, saw Simon to the paramedic and went to the chippy. I still wasn't hungry but I bought some chips and an Irn Bru for Doug (being Scottish that's all he should drink, right) I ate about 10 chips and then we got driven back to Conniston.

My phone had switched itself off during the rain so I had no idea where Doug was, I estimated he'd take about 12 hours to finish all going well. Although the amount of time he'd lost waiting to get rid of me, and comparing  to last year a long way behind that time, I somehow thought that was optimistic.

Adam and I said our goodbyes, I went to get my kit and charge my phone quickly so I could see where he was last tracked.

The tracker estimated he'd be back in 10 mins..... what!? That's about 11 and a half hours!

I ran to the bar to get a beer for his arrival and minutes later his smiling face was there looking around for me.

I was so so happy for him, and proud for doing such an amazing time. Sad that we didn't enjoy the full day together but smiling so hard at how amazing he'd done. He must have smashed that last 30 miles. I just hoped he hadn't done himself a mischief ahead of the Tor... :-/

I got him into some dry clothes and got him fed then home for a beer, shower and snooze.

Overall, this weekend taught me a lot.

1) It's ok to have a plan B. Or C.
2) I really need to review my kit. It was a good timely reminder how the weather is so variable. Less isn't always more.
3) my health is more important than a medal

I'm very happy with the decisions I made, my legs felt strong, which gave me the confidence I've been lacking the last few months. I ran a strong 20 miles, and had a slow hike of 15 miles. Fuel wise, I ate very little, probably no more than 400 cals all day; obviously this needs to be considered. Though on this occasion I didn't feel like I needed it, my energy was steady most of the day and as I only walked for that last 6 hours, I wasn't consuming lots of energy.

My only regret is not stopping when I first got to CP2 and got straight in the van! However, I had an eventful day and hopefully helped some others get through their day with less misery - and as the saying goes, misery loves company.

So, today I was bouncing up the stairs at work instead of walking sideways. I had a lovely run on what were pretty fresh legs. The coughing has been quite bad today although it's changed a little. Feels more like there's sand in my gullet than snot. There have been a lot of choking episodes at work but only 2 significant ones during my run (when going uphill)

On the way home I asked Doug about next year. He's not keen, in light of the shit journey. I'm going to see if I can get a place (he'll probably get FOMO and enter anyway). Or maybe we'll have a look at what else is on. We've already discussed next year, and aren't planning any big "races" but hoping to have a more informal adventure.


Getting my excuses in....

As excuses go, I don't think the ones I've saved up for Lakeland 50 are bad ones.

If you read my last post, you'll know I've had some health issues lately. So, a bit of an update before I go on with my Lakeland report.

The weekend after I had these pains I went to Latitude festival with some friends. I had a terrible cough the whole week up to it, then totally lost my voice over the weekend from constantly coughing, combined with dancing, singing and drinking in a dusty environment. The cough still hung around.

Since then, I have stopped having chest pains and seen the Cardiologist. The night/early morning of my appointment gave me a bit of a scare though. I woke up suddenly about 2 in the morning, choking and completely unable to get my breath. Who was more scared out of me and Doug is unclear. But after what felt like 5 mins (probably seconds) I finally got my breath after some deep wheezing sounds in my chest, Doug trying to slap my back, me trying to slap him away. It was horrible, I have never experience that.

Doug offered to take me to A&E but I figured I was seeing the Cardiologist that afternoon, I'd mention it to him. I didn't really sleep much more after that, between googling whether I was having a heart attack and worrying I was going to die in my sleep.

Penny met me in Bedford for my appointment where I had another ECG and went through in detail the problems/symptoms I'd been having. He listened to my heart, read my ECG (decided it was wrong, and the lady had put the wires on wrong). He said there's nothing wrong with my heart. I told him about the choking incident, he said I probably just choked on spit while I slept.

When he was satisfied the ECG was normal, he agreed that running shouldn't be an issue and that 50 miles the next week should be fine if I feel OK. He recommended seeing my GP if the cough persisted. Relieved, but still not fully satisfied that I was "well" I went for a glass of wine and some lunch with Penny in the sun.

I was in Swindon over the weekend and did a lovely run on the Saturday on the Cotswold way, not too many coughing fits. Sunday I had a sports massage followed by a bloody awful run!

I should probably say now that every night, from that night, I woke up choking.... it was super alarming but I figured it was just normal, but not great for getting a good nights sleep as for a couple of hours after I'd be a bit unsettled by it.

Doug made me get an appointment with my GP but as I was in Germany with work for 2 days I couldn't go until Weds.

I explained the last couple of months to the GP and she examined me, listened to my lungs. All seemed clear. She seemed satisfied that she'd solved the conundrum.

"You have Whooping Cough" she said

"what? isn't that what babies get?"

"Adults too. I had it not so long ago"

"Oh. What does that mean?"

She explained that it was probably too late for antibiotics but gave me a script anyway in case. Booked me in for a chest x-ray (just in case) and a blood test to confirm her diagnosis.

I didn't really know what to do with this info. She said it is sometimes referred to as the "100 day cough" because that's usually how long it lasts.

Since then, I've done a huge amount of research and it sounds like it's actually fairly common but often misdiagnosed.

It is however, fucking horrible. I still wake up at least once a night choking. I feel fine in myself. I have no real obvious signs of illness except when I have these violent coughing fits, which have me gagging at times (but not passing out or vomiting like a lot of cases I've read about)

In my research, I've found out the following key pieces of info  - apart from it being highly contagious in the time before you have symptoms.

1) the disease is almost undetectable when the bacteria are doing their thing. Their "thing" is essentially destroying the Cilia - which are the little brush things that remove mucus and dust and germs from your airways. Irritate the fuck out of the airways and trick your immune system into not knowing they're there chomping away at these important little brushes and leave your airways sensitive and prone to choking fits.

2) Only when they've done what they set out to do you start getting symptoms, normally cold like ones. Mucus, coughing.

3) Once you are through this. You're pretty much locked in to be coughing and choking for the foreseeable future(100 day cough didn't come from nowhere) Most people seem to say it last a couple of months, some say it's lasted up to 8!  The main cause of alarm for other people this horrible insuck of air that creates the "Whoop" sound - a bit embarrassing when this happens in meetings.

4) the vaccine we're given as kids wears off after about 10 years.

What I'm not sure about is the damage I will do by running or how long these Cilia take to come back. What I do know is that I have 6 weeks until Tor De Geants, and it's highly likely I'll be coughing then still.

So I think I've brought you up to date to the few days before Lakeland and good news is I've not got a heart problem!

Thursday 12 July 2018

Take it easy for a little while....

This isn’t what you want to hear 3 weeks before your next big event or two months before the event of your life.

However, right now I know this is the right thing. Right now, I feel like shit. My chest hurts constantly and I'm coughing like I have been smoking 20 a day for the last 15 years.

About 6 weeks ago Doug and I were in the alps for a week or so training and working remotely. Whilst there I had a throat infection or something. Along with it was shortness of breath and some chest pains, which I’d put down to the altitude, harder than normal climbing and my sore throat.

From there I didn’t think much more about it. I had a bit of a persistent cough on and off and recurring chest pains, these escalated a little bit in the last couple of weeks, becoming particularly bad on a weekend training trip in Brecon. When I say particularly bad, I felt like I had a strong man sat on my chest. I'm not talking heart attack. I'm talking the discomfort you get when you on the bottom of a pile of "BUUUUNDLES" back when you were at school.

Whilst running and hiking, I was struggling for breath, and getting tight chested. I knew something wasn’t right, but I thought I was just unfit. I put it down to stress. Work has been unblievebale (whilst I’ve taken steps to make improvements there, I’m pissed of with myself having seen my post from November and things being even worse!!)

Anyway, despite my guilt for not working this weekend, we had a long day on our feet on the Saturday, made longer by not paying enough attention to the map and descending the wrong hill, into the wrong valley. I was having all sorts of pains and finding reasons for them. Chest - fitness. Back - new bag, and massage the day before. Knee - I'm carrying a bit of timber at the moment.  Ankle - rolled it running off Pen Y Fan.

Despite that we had a good day it. It was beautiful. You could see the black mountains and beyond. It red hot and finding water was a challenge but we enjoyed ourselves. When back off the hill, I had quite severe chest pains. They were bad for several hours, whilst it settled a little during the night there was still a grumbling there. The only way I can describe it is when you're super hungry and your tummy is rumbling - like that but in the centre of my chest.

In the morning they were still there. Doug suggested maybe acid reflux or some thing. Yeah probably that. What ever that is.

Sunday’s run was shorter, less intensive. Hike up run down. But after, and the hours driving home my chest was super sore.

I text Robbie to give him an update, I'd noted it in my training plan a few times the days prior about the curious pains. He suggested I visit the Dr.

Of course the next week involved 3 lots of 3am finishes at work and a trip to Germany so this didn't happen.

During the week my chest was tight still. Like someone was sat on it, I didn't have time to train. Thursday I finally got out for a run, I didn’t feel great but I put it down to how little sleep I was getting and the enormous stress I’m under.
Friday I had entered a race with a friend at work that was only a short 4 and a bit km run up and down Luton runway at 4am.

The race went well -  I won. I didn’t feel wonderful, didn't have any great turn of speed and I spent a lot of time afterwards coughing.

Saturday I planned to run the ashridge boundary trail. 16 miles of unchallenging terrain, climbs about 500m throughout, one of my favourite local routes. I got 2 miles in, I was wheezing. Double over, not able to get air in. I walked  the rest of the hill whilst texting Doug. My chest felt the worst it had felt before and it was a little alarming. I wasn't even putting much effort in.

I continued on at a slow pace with the pains constantly there, my breathing laboured when I tried to run up hill. I didn’t even attemp any pace.

I was committed to get back to the car now so that meant cutting short to complete a 10mile route. Getting back to the car I followed Doug’s advice to go home and go to the walk in clinic....

Which was closed.

So I spoke to a friend who is a GP who told me to call 111. They asked me lots of questions, and said they were sending an ambulance, I refused as this was a bit dramatic and agreed to go to A&E. I was visiting some friends near Peterborough so I decided to go to Bedford as it was halfway and Penny met me there with hugs.

I was seen very quickly despite the England match being on and there being quite a queue. I was quickly taken for an ECG, blood tests and other checks.

After a couple of hours the Dr came to see me and ask some further questions. He confirmed my blood test was normal, blood pressure fine. However, the ECG had shown some changes he wasn’t happy about.

He said  few things, that he wants to rule out some things, that it might just be a virus, that the area around my heart is inflamed

He made me an appointment with the cardiologist for 11 days time. Told me to take it easy “can I jog?”

"Not if that is what is making your chest hurt more"


He gave me some anti inflammatorieis - I assume to see if the inflammation goes and I have a normal ECG recording.

So, there’s we are. Waiting now to find out what happens next week. Waiting to find out if my summer of races is going to be cancelled. My coughing is persistent so I think it's probably just a bit of a sniffle. It's probably nothing.

Above anything else, nobody is more surprised than me that there is even a heart in my chest cavity!

Fingers crossed I'm well enough to run Lakeland 50!

To be continued......

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This latest blog will be hopefully following my transwales experience. Enjoy with me :-)